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fin anekdot skrev:An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Greek village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Greek on the quality of his fish and asked, "How long does it take to catch them?" The Greek replied: "Only a little while." The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Greek said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Greek fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play cards with my friends, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Athens, then London and eventually New York where you will run your expanding enterprise." The Greek fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-25 years." "But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions ... Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play cards with your friends."
Most restaurants have posters on the wall explaining how to give CPR. But look, you can’t wait until someone’s actually choking to learn to save them. You have to know beforehand how to do it. And whose responsibility is it to preemptively disseminate that information? Mine. Here’s how to give CPR. Remember: “ABC.” Check their Airways, see if they’re Breathing, and perform CPR. Start by compressing their ribs, punching as hard as necessary. Brass knuckles can provide extra force. Then tilt their head back, inhale deeply, lock lips, and breathe the most powerful gust you are able to summon directly into their throat. If that doesn’t work, locate the item blocking their airway and try to dislodge it with your tongue. Run your fingers through their hair and repeat. Pause to wipe the sweat off your brow. It’s hard work, isn’t it? You could probably compress their ribs a little easier if you unbuttoned their shirt, just a couple of buttons. Better just take it off entirely in fact. Now you can start feeling for a pulse. Be very thorough in your search. Start at the carotid artery in their neck, slowly working your way down to their actual heart (it’s just slightly left of center — grope their breasts to orient yourself). Then work your way even further down, gently kissing a path towards their navel, as you undo their belt and remove their pants. Administer oral sex. Vigorously, so as to help rescusitate them. Consider adding extra stimulus by inserting one or more fingers into their anus. You have probably heard of autoerotic asphyxiation. The concept is that being unable to breathe during climax will intensify the experience. Giving oral sex to a choking victim operates on the same basic principal. Do not stop until they either come or have died. In either event, it is now time to start fucking them. In the name of thoroughness, use as many positions as possible. Begin with missionary for a few minutes, and then put one of their legs over your shoulder. After a few more minutes, the other leg. Eventually, you can switch to doggystyle. Cowgirl may be difficult, given their current state, but remember: they’re depending on you. Finish by pulling out and coming in their hair. Then call 9-11 to assist further and, while you’re waiting for the ambulence to arrive, steal the person’s wallet and repeat as many of the above steps as possible. It’s your civic duty.
Landslide skrev:Vem är Anek och varför är han död?
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